Far too usually individuals solely blame girls for “ruining” relationships involving males as a result of it’s simpler to be misogynistic than goal
One of many best issues to do on the web is to take sides. There’s loads of dialogue in deciding who’s flawed or proper—particularly on-line. Everybody is continually looking out for causes and other people to hate—and the sort that’s straightforward to hate is the homewrecker.
The phrase “homewrecker” can grind individuals’s gears immediately. Some Filipinos appear to have this hatred for infidelity attributable to teleseryes regurgitating the identical narratives of glad relationships being wrecked by a chief antagonist—usually a youthful or “hotter” lady in contrast with the spouse or girlfriend.
Naturally, the identical narratives elicit the identical response cycle: sympathy for the sufferer and hatred for the homewrecker. Whereas adverse emotions come from a spot of offense in the direction of a 3rd get together ruining a relationship, individuals are likely to overlook {that a} homewrecker can not exist with out a man allowing her to take action.
This line of considering shouldn’t be unique to primetime villains. That is backed by the cultivation evaluation idea in media research, which states that consuming an excessive amount of of the identical media allows individuals to eat actual life the identical approach. If theories don’t suffice to elucidate this, these examples from latest occasions would possibly.
A timeline of latest “affairs”
In February, actress and influencer Ivana Alawi was accused of getting an affair with Bacolod mayor Albee Benitez. Netizens feasted on the gossip and positioned Alawi on the receiving finish of sexually discriminatory remarks. Despite the fact that each events categorically denied the allegations, rumors continued to unfold.
The same hate prepare had actress Andrea Brillantes on the heart when Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padilla confirmed their breakup in November 2023. Given KathNiel’s huge reputation, individuals scrambled to search out the proper fall man (on this case, woman) to take the blame. Thus, the 20-year-old actress grew to become the proper villain for scorned followers.
Exterior the Philippine leisure trade, Ok-drama followers additionally had their dose of reel-to-real drama with the general public announcement of Han Sohee and Ryu Junyeol’s relationship—one which began a mere few months after the tip of Ryu Junyeol’s eight-year relationship with actress and former idol Hyeri.
The 2 actresses posted Instagram Tales seen as slights in opposition to each other by netizens, which culminated in separate statements from each.
Not like Alawi and Brillantes, who appeared unanimously declared as public enemies by Filipino netizens, onlookers had been extra divided on who to facet with between Hyeri and Sohee. One of the crucial frequent debates concerned figuring out who between Hyeri and Sohee was extra of a “woman’s woman.”
Stereotypes of “woman’s women” and the “different” women
The time period “woman’s woman” refers to a girl who celebrates the wins of all girls and renounces competitors between fellow girls. Within the context of relationships with males, a lady’s woman is anticipated to look out for different women by warning them about sure males or respecting the “woman code” by refusing thus far males their feminine pals have been with up to now.
Being a lady’s woman idealizes girlhood, but it surely additionally serves as a limitation on the lived experiences of women that may be thought of proper.
Whereas the time period is supposed to uplift girls, it has inadvertently became one more approach of pitting them in opposition to one another—enacted by each society at massive and fellow girls as properly. By figuring out the “woman’s woman,” one can also be unwittingly declaring who isn’t—the one who isn’t searching for his or her fellow women, the one who’s disrespecting the woman code.
Arguably, the “woman’s woman” is the antithesis to the “pick-me woman,” a derogatory label for women who appear to do every part for male validation. The divide between these girls turns into further obvious when discussing third events in relationships.
When individuals argued about who was extra of a “woman’s woman” between the Korean actresses, Sohee’s previous position as a mistress within the hit Ok-drama “The World of the Married” was used as ammunition to declare her as not a “woman’s woman.” Equally, Brillantes’ private life was used as “proof” to name her a “pick-me woman” on the top of KathNiel’s breakup.
the han sohee scenario is to indicate girls are at all times blamed for the faults of man. u lot declare to be feminists but disguise behind the flimsy thought of what a “woman’s woman” is to harbor such soiled relentless hate for ladies.
— nour (@sirenefrau) March 17, 2024
The once-promising idea of the “woman’s woman” has quickly devolved into one other manifestation of the Madonna-whore complicated: the male logic that segregates girls into harmless, saintly “Madonnas” or promiscuous, tempting “whores.”
Public opinion subconsciously will increase the victimhood of girls who get cheated on by perceiving them as Madonna-adjacent by way of bodily attributes and behaviors whereas discovering extra methods to tear down different girls they place into the “whore” class.
The waves of homewrecker fever paint the third get together as the one villain, minimizing the position of the lads who sought out affairs within the first place. Research present that this may be attributed to the Philippine legislation’s leniency on married males’s infidelity in addition to the lingering expectation that males “naturally” hunt down extramarital affairs.
All press is nice press for the ladies
Males concerned in affairs usually keep silent to keep away from having the media circus pinned on them. Whereas they get a quite fair proportion of hatred in on-line areas, their silence permits the blame to solely be positioned on the supposed homewrecker.
Girls, no matter how true their homewrecker rumors could also be, are then left to choose up the items of their broken reputations. Oftentimes, their fame and recognition solely ever work in opposition to them since it’s simpler to hate somebody within the public eye over somebody who retreats into privateness.
For higher or worse, although, homewrecker allegations get individuals speaking. This proves to be helpful consideration, particularly when public figures are about to or are in the midst of releasing a venture.
Ariana Grande, who got here again with “everlasting sunshine” after a three-year break from music, was accused of being a homewrecker for her relationship with “Depraved” co-star Ethan Slater. His ex-wife Lilly Jay known as the pop star “not a lady’s woman” because of the “collateral harm” brought about. Grande’s fundamental response to the criticism appeared to return within the type of her latest album’s lead single, “Sure, and?”
The upbeat, disco-esque observe was a carefree anthem, with the pop star asking why individuals “cared a lot about whose d*ck she rides.” Whereas her unapologetic lyrics drew extra backlash, the one hit the highest of the Billboard World 200, and songs from the album went on to chart on the Billboard Scorching 100, proving that Grande’s business success was unaffected by the rumors.
Grande is neither the primary nor final artist to emerge profitable despite a slew of homewrecker allegations. Previous to the “woman’s woman” craze, Sabrina Carpenter was additionally topic to a hate prepare. For a very good chunk of 2021, Carpenter was accused of being the explanation for Olivia Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett’s breakup, which spawned Rodrigo’s hit debut single “Driver’s License.”
“Pores and skin,” Carpenter’s first single after the allegations, was criticized for its provocative and vengeful tone. Nevertheless, the thrill from the love triangle led individuals to tune in for “emails i can’t ship,” which ended up being her most commercially profitable album but.
The lead single “As a result of I Appreciated a Boy” encapsulates the backlash fairly properly, with the songstress crooning, “Now I’m a homewrecker, I’m a slut / I obtained dying threats filling up semi-trucks.”
These proud and unapologetic responses on one hand entice extra backlash and buzz, however these direct counterattacks additionally come throughout as questioning statements to followers and netizens: Why do individuals care a lot about what these celebrities do of their personal lives? Since individuals are already of their enterprise, these artists see achievement in refusing to cower to netizens’ calls for and harassment. They go on to be seen as shameless by some however of their eyes, there’s nothing to be ashamed of anyway.
Curing homewrecker fever
In no way do any of those intend to glorify homewreckers. Dishonest, affairs, and third events vastly harm relationships and the belief they had been constructed on. Nevertheless, far too usually individuals solely blame girls for “ruining” relationships involving males as a result of it’s simpler to be misogynistic than goal.
What turns into extra alarming about these hate trains is that they arrive underneath the guise of defending girls when all they do is categorize them. Legitimate conversations on the sanctity of relationships flip into excuses to set free one’s misogyny. The “woman’s woman” turns into an ideal sufferer—solely underneath the arms of a girl who’s othered and villainized, conveniently glossing over any faults a person could have.
Finally, relationships fall largely into personal lives. Bringing them into the court docket of public opinion turns into not solely unfair but additionally harmful, particularly when anybody can baselessly accuse a girl of being a homewrecker to wreck their status—oftentimes efficiently.
