Gigi de Lana. Picture: Screengrab from YouTube/Toni Gonzaga Studio
An emotional Gigi de Lana confessed that she nonetheless blames herself for not with the ability to handle her mom, who died of breast most cancers final Might.
De Lana regarded again at her mother’s most cancers battle and eventual loss of life in a sit-down interview with Toni Gonzaga, which was uploaded on the latter’s YouTube channel on Sunday, Sept. 10, saying she’s nonetheless reeling from her loss.
“Sa ngayon, Ate [Toni] hindi ko alam. Para akong naliligaw pa rin till now, lalo na noong nawala ang mother ko,” she stated, whereas sharing that she nonetheless struggles with going by means of her day-to-day life.
“At tsaka noong nawala si Mama, ‘yung mundo ko, sobrang bigat. Para akong inalisan ng kaluluwa sa katawan ko, kasi siya lahat everytime na kumakanta ako. Siya ‘yung motivation ko para sa kanya lagi, till now,” she continued.
(For the time being, Ate Toni, I don’t know. I nonetheless really feel misplaced till now particularly after I misplaced my Mother. And when Mother died, my world grew to become heavier. It’s like my soul was ripped out of me. She’s my motivation with each tune I sing, till now.)
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The singer-songwriter recalled that their final dialog occurred by means of a video name whereas she was in Canada for a scheduled live performance.
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“Nasa resort ako t’as naka-tube [na si Mama], groggy pa siya and ‘di na nagrereact ang face nila. And [habang] nagkekwento ako, ang response lang niya is kumunot ang noo niya,” she stated. “Pagka-off ko and habang nasa bathe ako, kinausap ko na si Lord. Sabi ko, ‘Lord, okay na po. Kunin mo na siya.’”
When requested why she gave this explicit request, the singer-songwriter shared that seeing her mom in ache harm her deeply. However shortly after her prayer, she was knowledgeable by her household that her mom had handed away.
“Hirap na hirap na siya, Ate Toni. ‘Yung face niya, namamaga na, in ache. After ko maligo could tumatawag na pagkasagot ko lahat sila, nag-iiyakan. After which shocked ako after which ‘yung Mama ko nawala na,” she stated.
“[Akala ko okay na ako] pero noong nawala, hindi pala. Hindi ako okay… hindi ako okay till now. Sinisisi ko kasi ang sarili ko kung bakit siya lumala nang ganyan. Kasi wala akong pera una, hindi ko siya mapagamot. Magazine-isa lang ako, at siya lang din ‘yung lakas ko, siya lang,” added de Lana whereas crying.
(She’s struggling a lot, Ate Toni. Her face was swelling from ache. After my tub, I acquired a name the place everybody was crying. I used to be shocked that my Mother was gone. I assumed I used to be okay, however when she died, I wasn’t actually okay. I’m nonetheless not okay till now. I blame myself for why her situation received worse. I don’t come up with the money for to have her handled. I used to be alone. She was my solely energy.)
De Lana then recalled that regardless of being in a daze after her mother’s loss of life, she insisted on occurring with the live performance as a tribute to the latter. “My mother wished me na ituloy ‘yun, in spirit mapapanood niya ako (My mother wished me to proceed. She may watch me in spirit).”
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The singer requested for her mom’s stays to be frozen in the intervening time, so she may nonetheless see her when she got here dwelling to the Philippines. As she moved ahead together with her life, de Lana confessed that she was one way or the other relieved that her mom was free from the ache.
“Sobrang lungkot pero part of me ay masaya kasi tapos na ‘yung paghihirap niya. She has been battling most cancers for six years, ang tagal kaya it’s time na rin to relaxation (It’s unhappy however part of me as a result of her struggling is finished. She has been battling for six years. It was a very long time but it surely’s time to relaxation),” she stated.
